Saturday, April 12, 2008

...Appease my adoring public

So ladies,

hopefully this will be short and to the point (probably not), but here we go:

i know everyone says that women are all attracted to assholes, but i would beg to differ. i would say up until 2001 women were attracted to assholes. but around that time (according to Kellen [see footnote A1*]), douchebag came into the public lexicon.

see, there is a drastic difference between asshole and douchebag. I (your golden blog-god) am an asshole. that guy who is wearing a visor and slamming shots of jager is a douchebag. there is a huge difference. a douchebag will be a gentleman to your face because he wants to get in your pants, but the minute you are gone he will treat you like shit to his friends. An asshole (me) will treat you like shit to your face. and then when his friends are around he will treat you like shit. and then when your friends are around he will treat you like shit. see the difference?

i dont have the time/patience/care to be nice to people i don't care to be nice to. this makes me an asshole. after a year of school, the best nickname my schoolmates (what am i, a british chimneysweep?) could come up with is "asshole". but do girls coming begging my way to hop on my Harley and drive off into the sunset? Nay. But douchebags? They're busy filling out girls like applications.

Assholes get scurvy. Douchebags get crabs.

Assholes eat texas toast. Douchebags say "everything is better with beer! and tits!"

Watch out ladies, and know what you want. I don't disrespect you if you decide you would rather be with a douchebag, but i will spit in your soup when you're not looking.

This is not to say I'm bitter. I'm not. Really. I understand the feeling completely. I fucking love bitches. I don't like stuck up girls. There is a huge difference.

Now i'm bored of this, and this isn't really even funny, just mostly true.


*A1 - it's how steak is done.